Insanity is a State of Mind
by 54Viruses
Summary: One night I am visited by the turtles, a typical authoress meets turtles story... until they won't leave.
1. I lost it one night

I do not own the TMNT

Mikell suggested I write one of those "author-meets-turtles" stories... Little did she know I'd had it done for over a year.

This was written at three am on my last day before Christmas break, freshman year. Before this I had a steadfast rule about the author not interacting with her characters but at three AM a lot of rules tend to go out the window. I was on the verge of a mental and emotional breakdown and rather than scream loudly enough for the entire dorm to come running and then fall into the fetal position, I grabbed a notebook and pen. This is what happened next...

* * *

"Hi."

"Hello." Strange, a moment before I could have sworn I was alone in the suite, but that was clearly not the case. Unless I really was alone. Most of the school had already gone home and believe me it wouldn't be the first time my imagination got the best of me.

"What are you doing?" My visitor asked politely.

I glanced down at my front. What I was doing was sitting in the bathroom of my suite wearing pajamas I wouldn't be caught dead in were the situation different. "Sitting." I told the person.

"I see that. On the floor too." Thank you Captain Obvious, Defender of the Duh.

"Yep."

"With a notebook…why?"

Well that was a stupid question. "Because I already packed my laptop."

"Oh." I wasn't sure yet, but I thought my visitor was a girl, that would be a good thing because my pajamas weren't suited for male company. "That explains it." By then I was getting seriously worried about who this visitor might be, but I was still questioning my sanity and didn't want to prove myself into the loony bin just yet. My guest –real or imagined- apparently looked around the room and drew yet another conclusion. "In the bathroom."

No, of course not, we always keep our toiletries and plumbing in the library. "Yep."

"Again, why?"

Silly question. "I'm waiting for the toilet to flush." I glanced at the toilet. There was almost no water in the bowl and what little water there was gurgled slightly at me. The water is a rather disgusting color and the bowl was way overdue for a good scrubbing, or maybe a major sand blasting. The mess was rather embarrassing and I self-consciously looked over my shoulder to see what my visitor thought. Her expression was lost to my memory when I became temporarily distracted by my guest's appearance; purely scientific interest of course.

"HOLY CRAP!" In order to expand my field of vision -again in scientific interest- I crawled back rapidly. The fact that my hip was injured when I wedged myself between the toilet and the wall is merely due to my natural lack of coordination and had nothing to do with the screaming or the shouting echoing off the bathroom walls. "ow…"

"There a problem?" If anything my guest looked amused.

"You…you're _black!_" I couldn't help but stutter.

I swear, it smirked at me. "What, you're not racist are you?"

"You are literally black! And furry! … Wait…I know you! You're Kit! But you're not real!"

"Whatever slick. Now; why are you sitting next to the toilet?"

"It's clogged, won't flush right." I managed to explain as I turned the page of my notebook.

"Did you try the plunger?" Kit asked. She leaned a little closer to the toilet and the fur over her nose fluffed up as she wrinkled her muzzle against what I assume was a pretty bad smell.

"No plunger, not even a toilet brush." Logically speaking; if I was seeing a fictional character of my own creation then I must have lost my mind, but if I've lost my mind how can I possibly be thinking logically? This is a conundrum worth Mr. Spock's consideration, I wonder if he'll be showing up…

Kit hummed as she considered what I had just told her. "That _is_ a problem… Maybe Don can help."

"Wait! Why are you in my-"

"**Don! We need an expert here**!"

"-bathroom?" I finished, my ears ringing as her shouting echoed in the bathroom.

"_What is it_?" A male voice outside the room called.

"There's more of you?" This was too much, surely if I were losing my mind it would have stopped at the one…

"We need some help in here!" Kit called, "What do you know about toilets?"

"Probably less than you." A… giant… um… turtle? Yeah, a giant turtle with a blue mask stuck his head into the bathroom. He wore leather gear but didn't carry a weapon for some reason. "Why are you sitting on the floor?" The turtle asked. Thankfully he didn't seem to notice my nightshirt… or short-shorts.

Kit answered for me. "She's waiting for the toilet to flush right."

Just then the toilet let off a loud, ceramic belch. The three of us stared at it for a moment before I reached over and pulled the handle. The bowl filled with water, then stopped.

The turtle nodded. "Looks clogged, did you try a plunger?"

While Kit rolled her eyes I explained. "No plunger." Why was there a giant turtle in my bathroom? Especially Leo… what was Leonardo doing in the girl's side of the dorm? Especially at this hour of the night…

"She doesn't even have anything to substitute with." Kit added while I turned another page on my notebook.

"Hmmm, that _is_ a problem." Leo nodded. He was looking at the toilet and seemed to be pondering the clog with all the determination he would normally give negotiating with Karai… would _she_ be showing up?

"Raph refuses to give up his sais and the dorm mother refuses to let him past with them." Another turtle walked into the bathroom. Unlike Leo he wore a purple mask and carried a bag. "Something about a 'no guns, knives or weapons' policy." He'd barely stepped into the room before seeing me and quickly leaving. I'm not sure but I think he was blushing, I know I was. I would have never worn that particular outfit if I'd known anyone could possibly have seen me.

Yet another head with an orange mask stuck his head in. "Dudette, your dorm is a mess."

"I, uh, you, packing…" quite simply, it was too much. "I'm… I have three mutant turtles and a mutant cat in my bathroom! Aw man! The dorm lady's going to throw a fit! They'll kick me out for sure!"

Mikey smirked at Leo, "And you thought I was a spaz."

I continued logically breaking the situation down by babbling like a bleeding idiot. "…The stupid toilet's clogged, I still have a final tomorrow and tons of packing to do and now I have imaginary characters in my bathroom!" Realization of something else didn't stop the babbling, "Oh SHOOT! If my suitemates come back they'll have a panic attack! Drunken, panicking suitemates! That's just what I need right now! This is just perfect! I can't…"

Leo frowned. "We should probably help her."

Donnie agreed from outside the bathroom. "That sounds good, but how?"

My input came in the form of, "…and then my dad will show up! Perfect! I'll explain to him how everything's just great while they load me into a paddy wagon with my suitemates!..."

Leo frowned. "I think she's starting to hyperventilate, we need to snap her out of it." He said.

Kit suddenly grinned and stepped forward. Roughly she seized me by the shoulders. Sometimes at night I can still hear my brain rattling from the shake she gave me. "_Pull it together!_"

I respond very well to painful and disorienting stimuli. Not too many more brain cells had to die before I recovered enough to grab her hands and grunt, "I'm okay!" Finally Kit released me and stepped back. As she did the toilet gurgled again. Leo helpfully stepped forward and flushed it for me while I found my notebook and turned yet another page.

He then helped me to my feet as Donnie called, "We're going to help you, what needs to be taken care of?"

I tried to organize my thoughts as I wandered out of the bathroom. "Well, other than the plumbing situation I have to finish packing all my stuff…all of it…"

Leo smiled encouragingly despite the pile of laundry he was standing on. "That shouldn't take too long." He said optimistically.

"…Except I don't have enough bags." I finished.

"Oh."

I nodded and continued. "Then I need to study for my final tomorrow; wait, it's after midnight so the test is today. I have to turn in my keys for the dorm and I still have to strip my bed- but I have to sleep in it first. I also have to vacuum and I have to get my stuff out of the dorm and my ride's going to be here by noon-" While I honestly have no idea where it came from while I had spoken a tone began to sound that grew steadily higher until the turtles cringed and the mutant cat clapped her hands over her ears. "And that one girl said she needed to talk with me before I left and I really don't have time for this!..." After this point I know I kept talking but I couldn't really remember what I was saying as the panic set in again. "I'm going to die!"

"Quick! Somebody shake her again!" Mikey shouted.

* * *

The end of this story? I finished writing and went to bed. Mysteriously though, I woke up in the morning and the toilet was unclogged. Neither my roommate nor the suitemates had come home from partying all night...

After that things seemed to work out surprisingly well... until the turtles decided they had the right to pop up in my room whenever they wanted.


	2. They followed me home

I do not own the TMNT

This is the one I actually wrote _after_ Mikell posted her two. =)

* * *

I snickered as I typed off a review to the latest story I'd just finished. Author meets fictional characters stories were usually fun.

"Hey! 54! You're mom's out of pizza again!"

Of course I never had that experience. Ever since Christmas Break of my Freshman year I'd been stuck with the turtles 24/7… not to mention my own OC's stopping in from time to time. Fortunately the guys had fewer reasons to hate me and thus I had fewer reasons to lock them away when I wasn't writing.

"Why are you on your computer again? Don't you have a room to clean?" Correction, I didn't have as many reasons based on self-preservation… and they weren't my characters so I held less control over them. "I thought you said you were determined this time, you made up a To Do list and everything!"

The road to procrastination is paved with good intentions… DRAT! My narrating is answering them again!

Sighing I looked up and pasted on my best smile. "Right, I'm going to clean my room just as soon as I finish applying for this semester's loans." I assured the blue masked turtle.

Leo didn't look convinced. "And are you applying for your loans now?" He asked.

"Um… Mikey! Hi! Did you find that pizza?"

Michelangelo frowned. "You're mom only bought enough pizza for one night… and you knew it!" He accused, pointing his finger and pouting.

"Mikey, come on! You have a hundred authors writing you enough pizza to keep you and an army of hot-heads fed for a century, why do you have to raid my freezer? I don't even buy that food!" In the closest Leo could get to the corner of my messy room he looked resigned to holding his lecture till later… good, I've almost won this Spider Solitaire game.

Mikey munched on a cookie he'd found –Mom keeps up a constant supply of generic snacks. "But other authors also like to hurt me." He whined as he nibbled the cookie away from its cream filling.

"Authors love you Mikey! They don't hurt you that much!"

Suddenly the lighthearted turtle gained a look like a hardened war veteran. "Here we go again." Donnie announced from where he was reading my pharmacology book –another thing on my To Do list

"I've been killed off just as much as anyone else if not more! If I'm not killed off then I'm left the last turtle standing, which might be worse! Two of those crazy girls have decided I'm the most likely to crack and have me seeing people who aren't there!"

I cleared my throat, "In her defense, Al did go away…"

"After she made me try to kill myself!!!" Mikey shouted. I'm sure I heard my mirror rattle against the wall from his shouting. "And don't get me started on that Puldoh chick! She's insane!"

"agreed…" I mumbled, "Um… She likes you?" I suggested feebly.

Both Donnie and Leo snorted loudly, as well as Raph who was standing watch outside of my room… something about my little brother made him edgy.

Don closed the textbook and gave me one of those 'this is a test, fifty percent of your final grade relies on the results of this test' looks. He should teach college. "So we should take it as a sign of endearment when they mangle or traumatize someone?"

I blushed and returned to my laptop. "In writing, sometimes yes." Suddenly the room went dead silent. A few moments and I was driven to look up. All four of the turtles were staring at me with one expression that I couldn't quite place, almost like they wanted something but were afraid to ask. "What?"

"You don't really hurt any of us." Leo explained.

"Not seriously anyway." Donnie muttered, just a hint of bitterness in his voice.

"Hey!" I objected defensively. "You all got hurt in Some Dreams!"

"Meh." Raph grunted, "Cuts n' scrapes ya didn't even mention."

"What about Donnie's leg?!" I demanded. "In that first story!"

"It was an accident and didn't really endanger anyone." Donnie explained. "And I'm the medic; everyone hits the medic when they want to show off their character's nursing abilities."

The way they accepted getting injured and the manner in which they almost literally seemed to be asking for it was beginning to creep me out. I thought _I_ was a masochist but these guys were really off their shells. "Kit also threw a shuriken at Mikey." I argued.

"She missed." Leo and Mikey chorused.

"Mikey's knee gets hit with shrapnel in one of my stories."

Raph snorted, "Yeah, have ya even decided to post dat one or not?"

Finally I remembered something, "Mikey gets shot and you get knifed in Nightwatcher." I almost crowed in victory. "And I made you think he was dead." HA! Argue out of that one!"

Raph came up with an argument for that one, and it looked like a solid argument. Fortunately Leo stepped between me and his brother before Raph decided to present his argument to my very breakable face… or legs… or arms… so many opportunities for injury.

Mikey had finished his cookie by now and was rubbing his shoulder thoughtfully. Something seemed to come together in his head and suddenly his face lit up. "Hey! You shot me!" He announced with what sounded like joy; poor turtle, too many authors out to kill his innocence have finally made him crack. "You only dropped a couch on Don, and he had someone to take care of him but you shot me! And then you left me bleeding in an alley! And _then_ you blew up a warehouse while I was in it!" I swear the only thing keeping me alive at that moment was the fact that his brothers were more concerned about his mind than my injuring him at this moment.

"You're… welcome?" I asked.

Triumphantly he threw a hand in the air, "And you want to hurt me in one of your next stories! That proves it!"

"Proves what?" Three turtles and myself asked worriedly.

"I'm the favorite!"

Once again silence gripped my room.

Slowly the other turtles turned to me. "Is this true?" Leo asked. He seemed purely protective of his brother, favorite was a dangerous position for them to hold with any author, but they knew what I'd done to my own characters in the privacy of my notebooks. Raph looked hesitant, like his bro was about to be announced Battle Nexus Champion a second time and while that was bad it also meant he'd have to be sacrificed on the altar of a good story. Donnie looked protective as well as –dare I say it?- a little hurt.

"No. I've told you guys time and time again, I can't pick a favorite of you guys! I just love you too much!" I assured them.

Relief and disappointment filled the room for a whole two seconds before… "Why not?" "Surely one of us would more befit your personality and gain favoritism." "Aw come on!"

"Guys! HEY!"

Leo shouted above his brothers until their pestering died down to Mikey whispering "pick me, pick me.'" every few seconds.

After casting a look around Leo stated. "I think it would be best if we changed the subject." His brothers agreed and he turned to face me. "So when were you planning to finish 'Some Dreams'?"

Immediately he was berated with whistles and catcalls of "LAM!" "Leo and Sam!" "Maybe it's Leo! He's got a girl!" which quickly dissolved into various arguments. "Hey Raph, what about K?" "We're just friends!" "…Battle Nexus OUCH!" "… like minds with interest of science…" "It doesn't matter!" "Splinter junior's so sure cause she says she loves Splinter so much!" "Gunshot wound" "girls" "Stabbed." "Ask for help…"

I turned back to my computer and opened up the internet explorer… I think actually applying for my loans now stood as something to do to put off dealing with four brothers...

* * *

*Note; I'm sorry but I'm too butt lazy to reference the authors I mentioned… Theincredibledancingbetty owns Al. He's not mine… Neither is Puldoh... that would be slavery...


	3. Can't even drive in peace

* * *

I do not own the TMNT.

The van is my mom's... technically my dad and my brother belong to her too...

Anyway; other than the turtle this experience is factual... as for the turtle I'm sure my psychologist would try to convince me he's not real again. I KNOW HE'S THERE!

* * *

"I'm bored."

"_For Pete's sake Mikey! What are you doing here!?!?!_" Once again, I was caught off guard and not in a good place to surprise a person.

The orange banded turtle seemed unconcerned about my nearly driving off the road as he rooted around my little brother for something to snack on. "I'm bored." He whined again.

I groaned. "Then borrow his iPod, snacks are in the blue bag but _please_ don't wake them up!" I glanced nervously at my father, who was sleeping in the front passenger seat. Fortunately the turtle's whining didn't make him stir. I let out a breath of air and focused on the increasing traffic around me while Michelangelo tore open a bag of jerky. Once the van was on a clear straightaway I reached behind me and snatched the bag from him. "The blue bag." I repeated, shoving _my_ jerky into my distinctly black and red backpack with one hand while keeping the wheel straight with the other.

"But all that's in there are grapes and granola." Mikey whined. "Do I _look_ like Leo?"

Grumbling and struggling to keep my eyes on the road, I reached back into my backpack. Mikey's triumphant giggle turned to a confused "huh?" when I tossed him a partially full jar of dip. "There are tostados on the floor somewhere. Finish that before it goes bad will you?" In my rearview mirror I could see him making a face when he read the label. "It's either the spinach dip or the granola, you are _not_ getting my jerky." I told him. "And if you wake these two up you _will_ be staying in the car while my little brother practices highway driving."

Within seconds the turtle was sitting quietly eating chips and watching the Kansas scenery go by.

I was just getting comfortable again when he asked, "So… where are the mountains?"

My eyes flickered to the rearview mirror. I saw several cars in the distance behind me and that he was very serious. "What?"

"The Rockies, aren't they supposed to be in front of us?" He asked earnestly.

Finally understanding what he meant I nodded. "You'll be able to see them this afternoon; a few hours after we pass the Colorado border." I explained, privately scanning the horizon myself. After a week in the Plains I wanted to see some real terrain even more than my city-raised companion.

"Will we get to see them better than at your place?" He asked, seeming to perk up at the idea.

"I don't know, probably." I answered vaguely, trying to brush off the conversation as I approached more traffic ahead. A quick glance cleared the lane beside me and I tapped the turn signal to move over. In my rearview I could see another car about a half-mile back in my lane. Just ahead of me and in the lane I'd just left was a large semi truck, which I was trying to pass.

"Have you actually been on the mountains?" Mikey asked. I should have known he wouldn't drop it.

Behind me the car, an SUV with a load on top, was gaining on me rapidly. I picked up my speed and pulled up beside the semi truck. "A couple of them." Again I hoped my absent reply would brush him off.

"Which ones?"

The SUV was getting uncomfortably close and I wasn't passing the semi too quickly. "Um… Pike's peak… a couple without names…" I muttered, it was getting hard to focus on my driving, the SUV, the semi beside me, the traffic in front of me and the turtle asking questions. Unfortunately I wasn't able to tune the turtle out and everything else was too important at the moment.

"So… have you decided if you're going to post that story yet?" He munched another handful of chips as he asked this. I was pretty sure I knew which story he was talking about.

Behind me the SUV flashed his headlights. What did the guy think I was going to be able to do? He was tailgating me from behind, the semi had my side covered and I was creeping up towards fifteen over the speed limit. "I don't know!" I growled at Mikey. My speedometer hit fifteen over but I still had to keep my foot on the accelerator. The SUV was now so close I couldn't see the hood in my mirrors and the driver looked annoyed… what did he expect?

"Does anyone else in the story get hurt? Or is it just me cause I'm your fav-"

It was one distraction too many. "Fine! Take the jerky!" I snapped.

The turtle who got his way far too often happily dove into my backpack and claimed my jerky for his own. Meanwhile I floored the gas and finally pulled free of the semi. I was terrified the idiot in the SUV would cut between the semi's grill and my fender, but when I finally steered into the other lane the SUV zipped past me and the semi fell back rapidly now that the van was free of its surrounding current.

Finally I was able to breathe a sigh of relief and fall back into a normal and not so stressful pattern of highway driving. I was able to free one hand from its grip on the steering wheel and rub some of the sore tension from my shoulders and neck. Soon the sleepy silence of highway driving began to settle into me and I could almost enjoy the drive. Miles quickly slipped by and I once again found myself scanning the horizon for mountains that wouldn't be in sight for a few more hours. Everything was calm and in the edge of my vision I saw my father shift in his sleep and adjust the hat over his eyes.

All the tension came rushing back when a voice behind me asked "how much further?"

* * *

Any questions as to why I hurt him most?

Sorry guys, I'm trying to get Runaway and Some Dreams updated... Nightwatcher too, but it's not coming along so good. :(


	4. Sometimes it's a good thing

* * *

I do not own the TMNT.

* * *

* I mention a guy named "Guie" in this chapter. He is mine; think a combination between Bruce Wayne in Batman Beyond and… okay, a lot like old man Wayne if he were evil and sadistic. Arch nemesis of my primary OC's.

* * *

Four turtles stood uncomfortably in the carpeted hallway looking more alert than in the middle of Foot headquarters.

Kit looked at them curiously. "Why aren't you in her room making her life a living cartoon?" She asked. Instantly the four turtles made shushing motions before glancing nervously at the only door in the house adorned with posters. No noise emerged from within; none of them were called upon to suffer a horrible and bloody death at the keys of her laptop or the point of her pencil. Slowly they allowed themselves to relax a margin, instantly tensing when Kit asked, "Okay, what's the deal?"

More shushing noises until Mikey hissed, "She got stuck 'entertaining' her brother."

Confused, Kit glanced over her shoulder, "What for? They can take care of themselves."

"The married guy." Raph clarified.

"And his wife." Donnie added.

Kit flinched, "Ouch, and you're sticking around why? You don't belong to her you know."

Leo gave her a look, "You've been her character since she was a kid, you know perfectly well that her imagination always kicks into high gear when she's upset."

"I have the scars to prove it." Kit agreed. "So what? It's not like you're stuck here until then, you can do whatever you want until she actually sticks one of you into a story. She'll be ranting about real people for hours." The cat lowered her voice to a conspiring tone; "Take the chance to get any last meals or call somebody before she turns you over to Bishop or Guie."

The guys exchanged looks. "That might be a good idea." Mikey suggested.

Leo shook his head. "Even if she doesn't always like it, he's her brother and his wife is technically her sister. We can't just let her keep getting angry at them."

"And she's too quiet to do the smart thing and bite their heads off." Raph added with a smirk, purposely ignoring the look Leo shot him.

Kit leaned against the doorframe of the bathroom. "Uh-huh. And just what were you thinking?" She asked skeptically.

Donatello held up a hand and in his best teaching voice explained, "Fluff."

His brothers and the cat stared at him. "Fluff?" Kit didn't seem confident in the plan.

"Fluff." Donnie nodded. "We're going to provide enough fluff to drag anyone out of a bad mood."

Mikey held up a hand. "Um… by anyone do you mean everyone? Cause the Shredder could use a little fluff and-_ouch_!"

Raphael's hand hung in the air for a minute before he was sure Mikey's train of thought had been truly interrupted. Turning to Donnie he asked. "What did ya have in mind Don?"

"And God will Heal." Donnie replied.

He was met with silence.

After a few moments Raph asked, "Ya ain't goin' religious on us are ya Don? That's kind of Kit's turf." Kit looked like she wanted to retort to that comment but wasn't quite sure how.

Donnie shook his head. "No, I mean that picture she saw about a month back. You should remember; you were in it." He shot Raph a look. Raph just glowered and stared down the hall, almost daring somebody vaguely suspicious to come into view.

Mikey and Leo stared. Finally Mikey held up a hand, "Okay, some problems here. A) Raph in a picture titled with 'God' is kind of like Leo in a story with cool." Leo was definitely offended by this, but his dignity refused to let him retort. "Two;" Donnie started to correct his brother's change in listing, but dropped it much like Leo had. "The words 'Raph' and 'fluff' don't belong in the same sentence. And numero tres; who's nuts enough to go in there when she's angry and has a _pen?_" He shivered. "A _pen_ dudes!"

The five stood in mortal terror for several moments before Raph managed to shake it off first. Raph glared at the others for a moment. "Fine, if yer too scared, I'll do it." He grunted. Without waiting another minute he shoved past Mikey and opened the bedroom door. A pen flew centimeters from his head before clattering against the wall behind him. If he had hesitated, no one noticed before he pressed forward and slammed the door shut behind him.

What followed was not friendly. Pens, pencils, notebooks, paperbacks, leatherbacks, a stuffed animal or five and something that clattered peculiarly struck the walls and door of the room. The shouting was bitter, angry and sometimes quite vicious, both sides used words the authoress would not usually consent to and while no one would attest to it later Mikey was certain he heard thunder and lightning.

Finally the noise stopped and silence took over. After nearly a half hour Raph emerged from the room looking gruff and wiping away blood from a small cut on the side of his beak. He handed Don a sheet of paper and marched to the bathroom to get something to stop the bleeding with.

Don looked the paper over and nodded. "Yep, that's fluff, and it's got Raph in it." Leo looked curious and held out a hand but Don turned it over to Mikey instead. Mikey read through it, taking his time and probably reading it twice before he was done. Looking up he smiled.

Leo frowned. "What?" He asked.

"Nothing!" Mikey chirped. Leo tried to make a grab for the paper but Mike danced out of reach. "I'll go post this for her!" He announced.

"But…" Leo tried to argue only to watch his brother disappear down the hall. "I'll have to find out what's in it sooner or later!" He grumbled.

The team leader turned to Don, looking for advice or at least full disclosure on the story. Donatello only shook his head and smiled as he stood. "She's calmed down now, I'll go see if she needs anything." He said, entering the room without fear now that the storm had passed.

* * *

Who here is willing to admit that they've used the turtles as a way to calm down rather than tear their house apart? Let me tell you; it's kept my eldest brother alive. *storms quietly to self*


	5. They bring Pizza and Inspiration

I do not own the TMNT but that doesn't stop them from hanging around.

This chapter is a combination of ideas from Mikel and a variety of conversations and postings. (Remember the title? =D)

* * *

Pizza and Inspiration

* * *

I glared at the math packet on my desk. I despise math, it literally puts a vile taste in my mouth. It wasn't even for a math class, or a calculations class! Nope, it was for anesthesiology. Life's just not fair.

"Thirty milligrams to one hundred milliliters is equivalent to five grams in X milliliters." I muttered to myself as I set up the equation. Ratios held a special distaste for me.

Suddenly my forced and nearly painful concentration was broken by knocking at the door. I frowned. My roommate wasn't due back till this evening and inspections had been the previous day, so who…?

After walking across my room I looked through the peephole and saw a hat. Pizza Hut. I know I didn't order any pizza. I planted my foot a short distance from the door and opened it until the wood met my foot. "Look, I didn't order anyth… MIKEY!"

The familiar orange band peaked out at me from under the brim of the hat. "Are you sure? Extra pineapple." He opened the box to reveal an extra large pizza loaded with my favorite topping. My saliva glands started working overtime, I hadn't had real pizza in _months_ and the steam rising off its surface was killing my will power faster than even the homework waiting for me did.

"Are you nuts? What kind of a shell headed maniac are you?" I demanded. "We have security cameras in the halls and they're recording this year! I could get kicked out if I let you in here! Not to mention if anyone notices that those aren't green pants you're wearing." Mikey glanced down. Under the jacket he'd worn to cover his shell his legs were suspiciously green and his feet conspicuously two toed.

"It's no problem, I just paused the cameras until we get inside." Donatello explained. Looking further down the hall I saw the rest of the turtles waiting. Raph was holding a six pack of root beer and Leo was holding a reasonably good sized box.

"Fine, get in here before some_body _sees you. You can't pause that." Most of the students would freak, the dorm lady was familiar with them by now and would probably kick me out because they'd snuck past her with their weapons.

I stepped back to let them in. "Gracias dudette." Mikey grinned as he came in.

"Remember, I said I'd only _help_." Donnie reminded me as he came in, bringing up a subject we'd been arguing about for the last couple of months. I didn't need help on my homework, I wanted him to _do_ my homework.

"Here." Raph handed the six pack –now a five pack- over to me as he passed.

Leo stepped in and took the five pack and replaced it with the box. _OY!_ the thing was heavy. "This is from all of us. Master Splinter and April put some things in it too." I like the sound of that, Care Package!

After the guys were all in I let the door close and followed them in. After setting the box on one bed I snatched a slice of pizza. Sweet, hot, greasy, sweet, spicy tomato sauce, cheese, pineapple and thick crusted bliss. Forget math, forget a half dozen science classes, heck, forget my choir electives, I was happy. Let there be pizza angels singing a pizza choir, I was in college heaven.

"Told ya." Mikey's voice cut through my bliss and I realized that I had already finished most of my first slice.

I swallowed and grinned. "You guys have no idea, this semester looks like it's going to be a dog."

"Dog?" four voices chorused at me. Donnie was grinning and held up one of my textbooks with a picture of a dog on the front.

I smirked and grabbed another slice, "You know what I mean."

Suddenly the pizza was whisked out of my hands and replaced with a sais. Mikey was looking like it was Christmas and Raph looked ready to murder. "Come on! Open the box! Open it! Openitopenitopenit!"

"Alright, alright already." I agreed. Handing the sais back to a very miffed Raph, I reached into one of my desk drawers and pulled out my contraband knife (what kind of college bans knives in Wyoming?) Flicking open the multi-tool to my favorite blade, I sliced the tape apart and pulled back the flaps.

Packed tightly into the box was a wide assortment of goodies, from school supplies to all the weird snacks I love so much. From comics and books to socks, the thing was a treasure trove of random items. "Guys this is great!" I gushed, fingering through the gifts. A thought occurred to me and I frowned, turning to them, "But how did you…"

"Ah, don't worry 'bout it." Raph grunted, catching my meaning before I'd even voiced it completely.

Leo shrugged slightly, "To be honest, very little of that is new and what is April insisted of providing."

I looked more closely. The pencils were mismatched, the socks either sewn by hand or knitted, the comics were slightly frayed and the list went on. I turned around again, smiling. "Thanks guys." I noticed Donnie eyeing my bookshelf. "Do you want to borrow another book?" I asked.

The turtle in the purple mask jumped slightly before turning and grinning at me sheepishly. "No, I just… no." He said. I wasn't entirely convinced, I had some pretty awesome new books I knew he'd want to read.

I pulled out my anesthesiology book. "Not even this one? It's got some pretty interesting stuff." Some girls in my position would resort to shameless flirting with or physically capturing the turtles to make them stick around. Luring Donatello with my textbooks isn't much different to be honest.

"Veterinary Anesthesia and Analgesia." He read, probably not fully aware he was saying the words aloud. I handed the book over and he settled down happily flipping to the introduction. I grinned, honestly I love sharing my stuff with people I know won't damage them. Donatello could certainly be trusted with my brand new books…

…Michelangelo on the other hand.

"Close the drawer and I won't have to cut your fingers off!" I warned. The drawer containing my DVD collection slammed shut.

"But you let Donnie borrow stuff!" Mikey whined.

"Donnie doesn't ruin things!" I retorted, turning to face him. "My TMNT DVD! You should have known better!"

He cowered slightly despite the fact that I hold no real physical threat to him, I didn't even have my walking stick to bap him with. "Why do you even need that one? You have us! We visit!"

I sighed, how to explain this, "Guys, I love you, really I do, but I'm not entirely sure you aren't just figments of my imagination that I'm projecting into my room simply to bring greater realism to a cherished fictional universe."

Leo nodded, trying to look understanding without looking hurt. Raph leaned over and tapped Donnie's shoulder. "Translation please?" He hissed.

"She thinks she's nuts and we prove it." Donnie explained, not missing a beat in his reading.

"Oh."

Oh no, nonono, Mikey not the eyes! Not the eyes! NO! S'not fair! "I mean, there are some reasonable questions." I pointed out, trying to defend myself from those pitiful blue eyes.

"Like what?" Raph asked. He sounded offended at my insinuating that he might not exist.

"Like… like how I live in Wyoming. How do you get from New York all the way over here so often? Not to mention the other authors!" Oh good, he'd put the sad eyes away in exchange for thoughtful and mildly confused eyes, I could handle those. "I know you've been over to Mikel's place… Lion of Judah's and several other's too! How am I supposed to believe you can visit all these authoresses without either being figments of our imaginations or having some kind of magic _thing_ that gets you around in the blink of an eye?"

The three turtles who were paying any attention to me smirked. Leo glanced at Raph and Raph shrugged before jerking a thumb back at Leo. Mikey just put a hand over his mouth to keep from giggling. Finally Leo turned back to me, "We _do_ have a magic 'thing' to get around. The same 'thing' that we use to get to the Battle Nexus. Sometimes we also use stuff the other authoresses leave us or in the case of people who live closer, like Mikel, we just drive."

Oh… well… I feel sheepish.

"Right… good point." I admitted. "But what about the movies? And the comics? And the cartoons?"

"Dat was Don's idea." Raph grinned.

"Double bluff." Donatello explained as he turned the page. So he _had_ been paying attention. "People are naturally inclined to disbelieve things that are labeled as fiction. Thus why certain conspiracies are so easily maintained despite the sometimes absurd basis of them. Unfortunately some people are inclined to selectively believe anything they hear and thus why we have so many people to visit." He peaked over the book with a slight smile. "Not that I'm complaining." He said before returning to his reading.

I frowned. "Okay then, why?"

"Why what?" Leo asked.

"Why do you visit us? I mean, half of the girls practically chop you up stuff your remains in a blender and serve what's left up with a side of angst."

Raph cringed, "Ya sure those nuts won't be readin' about this speech of yours?" He asked, clearly worried I'd give people ideas.

"I'm sure the nuts are tired of me by now." I tried to assure him, not at all convinced myself. "But even some of the none-murdering/torturing authors are off their nut. Why do you willingly deal with that?"

"**_We're bored!!!_**" Wow… turtle stereo.

"D'ya think it's fun all day sittin' around watchin' fearless here sharpen his swords?" Raph demanded, jerking a thumb at a miffed Leo.

"And sitting around waiting for somebody to kill us off again? So not cool." Mikey added.

"We also prefer to better understand those who find us of interest and expand our range of ally-" Raph kicked Leo in the back of his leg, "I mean, friends." Poor guy seemed to have the same problem with terminology I sometimes had, although I had nerd speak and he had strategy.

"Interacting with a wide variety of people keeps things interesting." Donnie added.

Mikey grinned evilly, "Donnie likes meeting the girls." He said, keeping his voice light.

"Exactly." Donnie agreed, then stiffened, "No! No I don't! Wait, I _do_ but not… MIKEY!"

* * *

I admit it shamelessly, most of the second half was inspired by Mikel's recent postings... I did indicate her story 'Hiding Mikey' so head over and check out the fun! ... after you review of course.


	6. But Boys will be Boys

I do not own the TMNT

*Warning* In TMNT the first T stands for 'Teenage' and what the title doesn't warn you of is the B in 'Boys'… So the rating on this chapter is TB for 'Teenage Boys'… jerks…

…oh, and I do not own Taylor Swift, her songs, the Police band or their songs… have a nice day.

* * *

This particular evening I was preparing snacks for a church event. The cookies were almost all sorted and arranged but the lemonade still needed to be mixed and poured.

Gallon pitchers of water had to be carried from the sink to the large drink dispenser, and then the mix needed to be stirred in. Since I was by myself this process was long and rather boring. The kitchen was quiet and before long I was humming absently to myself. During one of these trips I finally recognized the tune I was humming. Stopping in the middle of the floor I dropped my head back and stared at the ceiling. "Aw crud." I groaned.

"What's wrong?" I jumped terribly and splashed water all down my front. The water damage only worsened when I rapidly spun around to face the turtle behind me.

"Donnie!" I gasped. "What's with the sneaking?!" Quickly I put the pitcher aside and started looking for something to dry my front off with before my pants got too wet as well.

To his credit, Donatello was sheepish. "Sorry." He apologized genuinely, glancing politely to the side and away from me. "It's a habit."

With a sigh I nodded and accepted his apology. "It's alright; I should probably expect it by now." I mumbled, turning my back on him to dab at my shirt with a rag. The situation looked hopeless as far as my shirt went; it was soaked clean through to the skin in ice cold water from my collar to a wet line that was beginning to seep into my pants.

The sound of water running made me look up and I was grateful to see Donnie had retrieved the pitcher and was topping it off for me. Unlike me however; he easily held the gallon pitcher with one hand as it filled.

I was planning on ducking into the lady's room and turning my shirt backwards for modesty sake, then accepting Donnie's company while I worked, but these plans were ruined when Mikey stuck his head in through the door.

"Wet T-shirt contest?" He asked. I flushed but before I could snap at him he added. "I'm going with a 7.5." At the sink Donnie groaned while I reached for a broom in the corner. When Mikey saw that I was clearly not a happy contestant he quickly defended himself. "Okay! Okay! An eight but that's only because the shirt is green!"

"_Mike!_" I shrieked as I charged, wielding the broom with violent intent.

"Eep!" The turtle fled the kitchen an into the fellowship hall where the chairs and tables slowed him enough for me to try and swing at him. I was about to clot him good and hard over the head when my broom smacked into yet another turtle's hand.

While Leo had stalled my initial attack I wasn't about to give up the battle. Fortunately Mikey was trying to navigate the tables and was passing by his final brother. "Raph!" The red banded turtle looked up from where he was pretending to read a book someone had dropped. Cookie crumbs littered his beak and he seemed reluctant to open his mouth for a typical Raph retort. "Hit him!" I ordered, pointing at Mikey. Raph did so without hesitating and Mikey's squeak of surprise and mild pain was somewhat satisfying. "Again. Harder." I said. This time Raphael punched Mikey in the arm.

"Ow!" Mikey whined.

Before I could tell him to do it again Leo jerked the broom out of my grasp and stated with quiet finality. "Enough." Looking at all those present, including Donnie in the doorway holding a full pitcher of water Leo asked, "What is going on here?"

"It's my fault." Donnie spoke up quickly. "I surprised 54 while she was carrying a full pitcher of water. She accidentally soaked her shirt and Mikey made a crude comment."

Leo glanced at me, now standing with my arms crossed and steaming. He quickly shifted his attention over to Mikey, who shrugged and tried to look innocent. "I thought she might have been in a wet t-shirt contest. How was I supposed to know?" He tried to brush it off with a grin.

"_We're in a church!_" Don, Leo and I chorused.

"Heh…" Mikey tried and failed one last time to make light of the situation. "Right… oops."

Raph brushed the cookie crumbs off his face before speaking up. "Ya know," He began in a tone that bespoke of bright sides and silver linings. "If it makes ya feel any better; I'd definitely vote 8.5."

Again I felt my face turn red and was about to attack him with my bare hands when Leo caught my arm. Rather than intervene, he handed me the broom.

* * *

"…two… three… four…" I counted absently to myself as I poured lemonade into cups.

By now my shirt was dry enough that modesty was no longer a concern, but I kept the broom next to my side just in case.

Behind me Mikey whined, "Dude, you get _mean_."

"…Five." the cup was placed on the counter and I started on the next row, "one… two…" I'd managed to leave a couple of welts on Mikey and got at least one good whack at Raph, while the violence was mildly satisfying I planned to ignore them for the rest of the evening.

"Eighty-five." Donnie announced as he put another set of five cookie wraps next to the rest. Unlike Raph and Mikey, Donatello was being very helpful. He'd even managed to convince Leo that counting the people in the building was a good practice in stealth and recon… which was probably true, but also incredibly helpful… I'm going to have to remember to give him a new lab or something in my next story… no more dropping couches on him either.

A green hand traveled into my line of sight. It was one of my favorite shades of green, a rich color that normally put me in a good mood, now it just served as a target. Quickly I slapped at the hand before it reached its goal of a plate filled with cookies.

"Ya know, we ain't at the dorms." Raph growled threateningly, the assaulted hand going to his sais.

"Go ahead, stab me, you'll love what I do to you in my next story if you do." I taunted.

He grumbled another threat, but I could see the wind had gone out of his sails.

"So…" Donnie said after he'd begun wrapping the last set of cookies, "What was bothering you when I came in?"

I looked up from the lemonade. "What?"

"You were annoyed with something. What was it?" He sounded earnest enough.

After a moment of thinking I remembered, "Oh, right, I had a song stuck in my head."

"What's wrong wi'that?" Raph asked. "Ya always got some music stuck in your head."

"But usually music I like. I'd been humming that Taylor Swift song." I explained.

"What's wrong with that?" Mikey asked. "I thought you liked country."

Putting down the cup in my hand, I gestured as about the level of my ears. "I do, but I've had it up to here with Taylor Swift, especially that one song, 'You belong to me'."

"Oh… that one." They chorused. I couldn't blame them. In one day alone I'd seen three 'songfics' with that one.

"Yeah, that one. It gives me the creeps." I finished pouring the last of the lemonade and turned to make sure my count was right. After a moment I was convinced, ninety glasses of lemonade and eighty-five cookie wraps, plus the set Donnie was working on.

"How can a country song give ya the creeps?" Raph asked, "I mean, the music's bad but it ain't exactly 'creepy'."

I shot him a look, the country music argument was old but I wasn't about to take the bait this time. "You've heard the title. Believe me, after hearing that song several times a day every day for two months straight, you start getting serious stalker vibes from it." I shuddered again. "It's even worse than that one song by the Police."

Mikey got that reference, his eyes went wide and his mouth made a slight 'oh' as he nodded. Even if he was a jerk sometimes, I could count on him to catch my sometimes obscure references to pop culture.

Raph considered for a moment before nodding. "Yeah, I can kinda see what ya mean there." Donnie agreed.

The kitchen lapsed into silence for a few minutes. I wiped the counters down and washed a couple dishes while Donnie started sweeping up cookie crumbs.

Finally Leo came in. "Ninety seven." He announced.

I turned to the lemonade and quickly poured enough to make the difference. "Thanks Leo, you just saved me some panic."

Smiling his teacher's-pet smile Leo handed me a piece of paper. "Twenty three in the pre-school class, fifteen in the teen class, thirteen in first through third grade, twenty one in fourth and sixth and fifteen workers." He said.

"Wow." I grinned as I took the paper. This meant I could start dividing the snacks into classes now rather than wait for the official count. "Thanks Leo! This is really great!" Doing the math in my head I concluded, "So this means the number in the adult class is…"

"A ten in the adult class." Leo confirmed.

Snorts of laughter erupted behind me. I turned to find Raph, Mikey _and_ Donnie snorting with laughter. Since Donnie had the broom I reached for the next best thing- one of Leo's katana.


	7. They Put Up with Me

I do not own the TMNT

This came due to some big changes I'm getting ready to go through... and I'm not talking about the mood swings.

* * *

"Get off my shell!"

"NO! That's mine! I had to _beg_ for it, you can't have _any!_"

"Just one piece!"

"NO! "

"Please?"

"HA! I'm on your shell! The face won't work… NO! Get away from the mirror!"… "Aha!"

"Hey! I can't see! Stop! I'm gonna… Eep!"

"Gah!"

There was a mighty thump that shook the house, but fortunately Mikey caught me before I hit the ground. It was something of a compromising situation; he was crouched on the floor holding me up and rather close to his plastron with one arm. He had full control of the situation and he took advantage of it.

"Gah! No! Not the eyes! Mikey please!" Willpower… crumbling. Resistance… growing… futile…

"Mike, put her down and stop begging."

The begging turned to a pout before he carefully put me on the floor and stood up, then offered a hand to help me up. With Leo here to protect me and my jerky I confidently accepted his hand.

Raph grunted from his place on the bed where he was looking over my schedule. "Good thing ya ain't inta writing romance or that would have turned ugly."

I looked first at him, then at Mikey, Leo, and finally back to Raph. "What?"

He pointed in the general area of where Mikey and I had fallen. "That… uh… neva' mind." Changing the subject, he lifted the paper I'd written up for him and shook it at me. "Ya know yer a pansie, right?"

"Raph." Leo chastised lightly.

I blushed as I nodded. "I know, I'm trying to change that. So what do you think, any advise?"

I sat on the bed next to Raph and looked at the paper as he pointed. "Ya gotta stop cheatin' on yer runnin'. Twenty minutes ain't gonna get ya ready for a two mile run, much less five." The light scolding made me blush. The fact that my slacking off this week wasn't helping matters I knew about, but having it pointed out to me kind of stung.

"Other than that," He pointed to some numbers I'd written on the side. "Yer improvin' good, just don't get lazy… like some guys."

Michelangelo looked up from where he was nosing through my closet. "Why is everyone staring at me?"

I quickly turned back to the paper in Raph's hands. "So, weight lifting, suggestions?"

Raph grinned. "Yeah, quit while you're behind."

"Ouch."

"Raph." Leo stepped over one of the constant piles on my floor and took the paper from his brother. He looked over the numbers until he came to my weights. "Alright, from what I see…" I watched his face as it went from consideration, to focus, and finally surrender. "Yeah, Raph's got you covered."

"Thanks." I grumbled. "You know, this would be easier if I had a partner to train with."

"What happened to the hippie next door?" Mikey asked, jerking a thumb towards my little brother's room.

"Mild interest, no commitment." He wouldn't even agree to one session at the gym.

"Didn't the assistant director's daughter want to come with you?" Leo asked.

"She's already got a battle buddy enlisting with her." I explained. "Three's a crowd… and they're still in school." Sighing, I went through the list. "My brother is a no, Katie is a no, my father works funky hours, Mom refuses to do her physical therapy, none of the military retirees I know want to step foot on Base if they don't have to and nobody else seems worried about keeping fit… except…"

Leo cut off my meaningful and pathetic look with a sharp gesture. "No. A military base filled with armed guards? Are you fishing for a new plot?"

I sighed. "Baggy sweats and lots of barking, no one will give you a second look." My voice was a little whiny, but after two weeks, more than twenty hours at the gym alone I felt like I'd earned a little whine. It was a little lonely being pretty much the only person at the gym without a partner… or at least a music player.

"Eh, you'll figure somethin' out." Raph said, a moment later I felt my newly shortened hair get tousled and several locks of hair fell in my eyes. Rather than respond to the encouragement I pushed the hair out of my eyes and continued to grouse.

Leo and Mikey didn't seem to know I could see them exchanging looks, but I could. A moment later Leo sat on the mattress next to me so I had Raph on one side, Leo on the other and me acting as a barrier in between. The small part of my mind still looking for amusement noted that this was probably a good arrangement, keeping Raph and Leo separate. The rest of me continued to be something of a wet blanket.

"Does this have anything to do with that letter?" Leo asked.

My pout turned to a glare. "No."

"The recruiter told you to ignore it didn't he?"

"Yeah."

"Then do that." He patted me on the head like a good dog… nice to know he and Raph are definitely related. I pushed my hair back into place, annoyed that this more practical cut made me more vain. "He's confident that you'll get in so there's no reason you shouldn't be."

"I know." I made my lie brilliantly transparent by glancing down at my feet as though to once again assess whether the scars were too… rejectable. I hadn't felt this uncomfortable with my feet since the scars were still pink and tender. Suddenly everything I had been ignoring before made me self conscious and worried. My tomboy chopped nails, the scars on my feet, my hair… "I hope that idiot gets fired." I growled more savagely than originally intended. That wasn't true either… I wanted him royally chewed out, yelled at, beat up and _then_ fired so he knew _exactly_ how stupid he'd been. Preferably, I'd be the one yelling.

Right… he was military… can't get fired… I hope he gets dishonorably discharged.

"You're going to rant about this… aren't you?" Leo guessed. "and it's going to end up on the internet, isn't it?"

"The Force is strong with this one." I told Mikey, pointing to Leo.

"Ye-es." Mikey agreed in a creaky, high voice. "Go far, he will." He giggled a little. Just seeing him giggle helped me feel better. I managed to smiled back at him. He grinned that grin that make my cheeks hurt before suggesting, "You know what would make us all feel better?"

"Huh?" We asked.

"Jerky!"

"NO!" I was on my feet and grabbing for his shell even before he'd taken a step toward my stash.

"Come on! Just one?"

"No!"

"Please?"

"NO!"


	8. And try to kill me

I still don't own the turtles, and they still won't leave me alone.

* * *

Chapter eight; And they try to kill me.

* * *

Mikey sniffed the item suspiciously. His voice low and suspicious he asked, "_What __is__ it?_"

"It's a Veggie Straw." I explained, popping another into my mouth. From the look on his face 'veggie' had been declared the world's most despicable curse word and nobody had bothered to tell me. "They're good." I insisted.

He didn't seem convinced. Leo, however, leaned forward from the back seat and grabbed a few. After trying them he nodded. "Not bad." Donnie also tried a few, nodding his approval. Leo offered a couple to Raph, but he seemed content to doze in the back of the car where there was plenty of room to spread out in my parents' SUV.

Carefully I dug around in the bag on my lap. "Okay… Mikey, here's your soda." I handed him a large sports drink. It was 90% guaranteed to cause spontaneous heart failure and he seemed to love the stuff. "Don, you need a life." I handed him the canned cold coffee.

"Thank you!" He said honestly. Well, at least he thanked me, Mikey was half done with his drink already.

"Leo..." Tea, of course.

"Domo."

"Raph." I tossed the water bottle back. He caught it and in a minute I could hear the seal being broken. An inarticulate grunt expressed gratitude. For myself I pulled out a bottle of green veggie/fruit juice that nobody else seemed willing to touch –Mikey was throwing a little packet of salt over his right shoulder, smart aleck. Where did he get the packet anyway?

Also from the bag I pulled out some coconut and chocolate candy bars. "Anyone?" I offered.

"So I take it you _didn't_ get any of those stores to put up a display?" Leo asked.

I hate it when he hits the nail on the head like that. "Not a one. Everyone was really nice about it though…"

Mikey put his soda down, it was probably empty anyway. "And… no numbers either?" Rather than answer I opened one of the candy bars and started nibbling. Yum. Sweet, tropical, chocolaty, lightly crunchy, smooth and-

"And you haven't scheduled any more talks either?" Donnie confirmed, ruining the flavor of my candy escape.

"Not a one… and the one last night was a flop." The confession spoiled the remaining coconut in my mouth, leaving an almost rancid taste.

"You know that eating as a form of comfort isn't good." Leo chastised. The fact that I'd been telling myself that for the last week didn't help. Admittedly, it was mostly an indulgence in healthy things like my love of veggies and good oriental food- not the greasy stuff- but there had also been a good deal of pizza and chocolate… and I still wanted some burgers.

"Ya know, if ya keep eatin' like this yer gonna start fittin' inta your old pants again." Raph intoned from the back. They spent way too much time with April and the fangirls if Raphael was talking about that.

"Speaking of which, when was the last time you did any real physical training?" Again with the hitting of the nail on the head and the echoing my conscience thing. Enough already, Leo!

"How much of your holiday candy have you gone through?" Donnie asked. "And those ice creams that your brother gave you?"

"Um…" I was halfway through the ice cream, almost done with the Easter candy, the Christmas candy was still in the freezer though… I was planning on thawing some of it before the end of my leave…

"And how much have you been buying to eat?" Ouch.

"And can I get another?" Mikey grinned as he shook his energy drink, empty of course.

"You've had three, and only paid for the first." I told him. "I'm cutting you off."

He whined as I set my bag aside and started the car. "Seriously 54." Leo pressed. "You need to keep up on your training. Didn't you say you wanted to start measuring your test results on the male's grading scale? Your run isn't anywhere near where it should be. And the regulations on the pushups…"

"Ever wanted to know what fearless does in his free time?" Raph spoke up from the back. "Now you know."

"And knowing is half the battle." I answered automatically.

"Weren't you bugging us to help you train before you shipped off to Basic?" Donnie asked.

I frowned and glanced in the rear view window. "Yeah… what about it?"

Three grinning faces in the mirror and one beside me. I'm going to die.

"HA-AHn… guh!...h-h…hack…"

"Nice… nice… not bad." Raph nodded, looking at the watch I'd given him to time me with. "Three more.

"…h-h…h-what?... Bhut… that… six…mountains… he-h…"

Raphael grinned, completely without mercy. "How much pizza have you been eatin'?" He asked.

"…h-h… water…"

"Three laps." I opened my mouth to argue. He held up his shell cell, indicating blackmail. If I refused any of the assigned training Donnie would kill my laptop, without leaving a trace. The thing was a pain in the neck anyway, but I needed it to shop for a new one, plus the required accessories. And to do that I needed my laptop to live to see my next payday. "Go." Leo was standing guard for Donnie, Mikey was probably eating his way through my candy.

"…h-h…" I took a deep breath, it almost hurt, "S…Sergeant…Ahg… agul… air…" I cursed him as best I could before starting around the school again. Behind me I could hear him shouting after me in the night, "When yer done runnin', we'll work on pushups!"

Curse those blasted turtles.


	9. I can't get rid of them anyway

I do not own the turtles and do not attempt to sneak onto a military post.

* * *

Chapter nine; I can't get rid of them anyway.

* * *

"Tell me I ain't seein' this. Are you eatin' _spinach?_ Raw, and outta' th' can?"

Had the food in my mouth not been vaguely slimy and easy to swallow in emergencies I might have choked on it –_**NOT**_ that it was raw spinach out of the can.

I put the can–c**o**ntainer down and turned to face Raph. The usual litany of mental R-rated language and shock at his sudden, unexpected appearance was at least double if not quadruple the norm. It passed into anger just as many times faster. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!"

Raph shrugged. "Visitin'." He answered as easily as if I had offered him a pleasant smile and a drink.

The toilet in the apartment's bathroom flushed and the water ran through the pipes in the walls for a few minutes, then Mikey came out rubbing water off on his sides. Leo –whom I'd somehow missed until this point- shook his head and asked, "Just once, couldn't you go before we left the lair?"

Mikey shrugged. "I like using toilets that aren't already in the sewers, okay?"

"Why are you guys here?" I asked again. I was getting something of a flashback from college only instead of these guys being a pleasant, if mildly concerning distraction this time they were innocently causing me to age years in just the last couple of minutes.

"Visiting." Leo repeated Raph's explanation in such a manner that he sounded less oblivious to my upset, but still not quite at the level that maybe he should have been at.

"But… you… here… SURE! You'll visit me here –in the middle of an active Army post- but you wouldn't just go to the gym back home?"

"That was different." Leo began, "We were still in need of training ourselves then. Now, not only are we much improved, but the isolation of this barracks makes it that much safer than the gym was." He finished with a knowing bob of the head that I'm not sure he was aware of.

I clapped a couple times, letting the sarcasm splatter from between my palms. "Nice. Tell me the truth now; how long did it take your brothers to talk you into coming here against your better judgment?"

Leo frowned, almost pouting. Mikey feigned innocence by raiding the fridge. Raph pointed at the stove. "Yer dinner's smokin'."

"SHHH-SH!" I resisted the nearly overpowering urge to curse as I spun around and grabbed the spatula. The fish was flipped, the burner turned off on the pan moved to a cool burner so the fish could finish cooking on the hot metal without risk of burning. The side now facing up was a color too brown to be considered golden-brown, but by the looks of it the flavor wasn't ruined.

I put the lid on to preserve the heat and finally turned back to the turtles. Mikey was now chewing something from the fridge. Raph looked amused and Leo now seemed to feel vindicated, if not smug. "Guys, I know I _seem _isolated, but do you have any idea where we are? This housing is for NCO's! Ranking enlistees! My next door neighbor is an MP with some hefty experience under his belt." Leo looked like he was going to say something to the light of 'so you're making friends?' but I cut him off. "In addition to him there are a bunch more MP's living out here, some Special Forces guys and more Rangers than roaches!" Mike's shell puffed up and Raph looked ready to say something overconfident but I continued, shutting down their immediate chances for boasting. "Many of these guys, and some of the girls, are experienced warriors. I can't guarantee that none of these guys have had actual ninja training or have experience with ninja. What in the world made you think it was smart to come out here?"

No sooner had the words left my mouth than my brain kind of clouded over and something in me had to be violently suppressed before I let loose with a girly shriek. I live in the same area as Special Forces and Rangers… okay, forget the Rangers, those guys are jerks. I did my laundry in the same machines they did. When had my life gotten that awesome? It took a moment to disable that part that wanted to squeal. Only when it was left in a corner of my mind- battered, bloodied, and bruised but still waving a little 'Go Army' flag- was I able to again focus on my uninvited guests.

Once my attention was back where it should be I realized with some measure of horror that I'd been grinning like a loon. What's worse; the turtles seemed to have grasped the cause of my moment's distraction. Leo was smiling like some doting uncle watching his niece come of age. Raph was smirking. Mikey had crossed his arms and was attempting to nod sagely. "Yeah. We know. Welcome to the 'cool' side of the fence."

I scrambled to regain my dignity –which now that I think about it, I probably lost it many years ago. "It's not safe for you guys here!" I emphasized. "If any of you were seen slipping into my place we'd _all_ be in deep crap!" With a wave of my hand I indicated not only the turtles and myself, but my absent roommate and some of the other soldiers that lived nearby. Leo frowned; thankfully he seemed to be processing what I'd just said with some genuine thought. Raph had taken a fork from the dishtowel and was poking the can of spinach he'd accused me of eating. Mikey… had turned the 'eyes' on. Crud.

"So… you're not happy to see us?" He asked pitifully. Honestly, if I ignored the fact that their very presence brought my sanity to question once again I really was happy to see them. I just wanted to be sure they understood how serious the situation was. But… the eyes… they were big… and blue… and pitiful… dogs don't have it so good… curses. After resisting as long as possible –not long- I sighed, then held out my arms for a hug. Mikey gave a squeaky, happy noise and the next thing I knew I was off the floor. One might think getting hugged by a large… and very strong, turtle with a thick plastron might be uncomfortable –it is actually- but after getting used to hugging cops and soldiers in bulletproof vests it becomes familiar enough to enjoy all the same.

When he put me down I was smiling –hugs!- "How did you guys find me? I didn't post…DA… fanfiction…" Crap. Happy mood gone. "Don hacked my e-mail. Didn't he?"

"Uh…" " 'Hack' is a pretty strong word…" "Yup."

I started for my room. Then realized there was nothing in there to interest him. No internet, no cool military gear, no textbooks –heck, hardly any books at all… at least by my standards. Slowly I turned back to the three in the kitchen. "Where is he?" The three looked as though they'd suddenly realized something very bad. "You left him at the lair, right?" Leo and Raph were less than stealthy as they exchanged panicked looks. Mikey cringed. I blew up.

"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH STUFF THERE IS ON POST THAT DONATELLO WOULD WANT TO PLAY WITH? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW EXPENSIVE THE COOL STUFF IS? IF HE SO MUCH AS…as…" I darted to my room and grabbed my cell phone and other things I never left without these days. As I hurried I was haunted by dark thoughts now not just of being caught with the turtles, but being caught with the turtles with Don crawling out of a demolished tank… or maybe something worse… oh Lord…

Upon returning to the kitchen I began ushering the turtles out the door. "Come on; Don Hunt. Move!"

"But what about-" Leo objected.

"Don't care. Move!"

"I liked her better before she joined up." Raph grunted.

"MARCH!"


	10. They keep coming back

I do not own the TMNT. If anyone has a turtle-proof lock; you could make millions selling it to the military.

* * *

Chapter ten; They keep coming back.

* * *

Screaming is not something I make a habit of. On the rare occasion it does happen I try to kill it as quickly and effectively as possible. Jumping into the closet and slamming the heavy door helped. I stood inside the closet, covering all the important parts with my hands even though the door now protected me.

"_WHAT THE #$& ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE! DON'T YOU KNOCK? I SHOULD KILL YOU!_"

What I heard on the other side of the door was not promising. _"Did 54 just cuss?"_

"_Don't worry, she'll edit it before she types this up."_

"_Cool! Another chapter? I told you this would get her writing again."_

"_There's a guy on her phone."_

"_**WHAT?"**_

"Crap! Crap, crap, crap!" I glanced at my watch and started hopping around in my closet. I pulled open the top drawer of my dresser and pulled out a grey t-shirt, biking shorts, and loose black shorts. After the T-shirt was on I remembered that women have this interesting, and necessary, habit of wearing bras. "What are you guys doing here!" I shouted.

"_We hadn't heard from you in a while, so we decided to see if you were still okay."_

I still posted an internet journal frequently, and I know they knew how to get to it, there was no reason for the turtles to come _here_. Admittedly I hadn't been writing much, but who could blame me? "I'm fine! You saw way too much of me so feel free to head home now!"

"_Yeah... sorry about that."_

Outside the closet the guys were still talking. _"You don't think that's her…"_

"_54? Never."_ I nearly fell over as I yanked on the biker shorts. Then my foot caught on the lining of the black shorts. Once those were on I grabbed the rest of the stuff I could find in the closet for Physical Training in the Army.

I burst out of the closet with a pair of white socks in one hand and a bright, reflective belt in the other. "I don't have time for this!" The guys were nice enough to move out of the way so I could sit on the bed and finish getting dressed. I yanked on my socks as quickly as possible before my phone was held in front of my face.

"Whose this?" Mikey asked. Somewhere in the back of my mind I wondered if he shouldn't be sing-songing that or saying in a teasing tone of voice. Instead of dwelling on the thought I wrapped the belt around my middle and grabbed my running shoes, pulling them on without untying them.

"Boyfriend." I grunted, then stood and started digging around in my nightstand for my locker key. Silver key, silver key, keycard, where was that brass key?

"Boyfriend?" Mikey echoed, he didn't sound like he believed me.

"And what about this?" Donnie held up a couple of cards held together by a two sided clip.

"Clinic access cards." I mumbled, finally finding the key and grabbing my wallet to find my military ID. I pocketed the ID with the keycard from my door, not that it had done me a lot of good having all that security when the guys could just walk in on my when I'm naked. It was bound to happen sooner or later but couldn't it have happened when I wasn't in such a hurry?

"Boyfriend?" Mikey repeated. He glanced at the cabinet I kept my TV on and noted something else. "Is that _**makeup?**_"

"Clinic?" Donnie asked. "What clinic?"

"What the shell?" Raph came from my kitchen holding a frozen TV dinner for vegans and a bottle of vegetable juice.

"Guys, I'm late! I have to be at my company in five minutes and it's an eight minute walk." I explained as I grabbed a bottle of Gatorade and headed for the door.

Leo had spent the entire time since I'd jumped into the closet by my book shelves perusing my selection. Unintentionally I'm sure, but all the same, he was the straw that broke the turtle's back when he pulled a book from the top shelf and noted, "This is new."

I stiffened, sensing something snap in the room. Suddenly my route of exit was cut off as Raph stepped in front of me. I felt a hand on each shoulder and was soon being dragged back into my bedroom. "NO! I have formation! I'm going to be late! My sergeant will kill me! SOMEBODY HELP!"

* * *

No, I don't wear makeup regularly. I have some from ONE time I went to a Ball. The guy on my phone is my boyfriend, same guy who invited me to the Ball. I'm not a vegan, I just love vegies and those TV trays are quick and delicious, the juice I've mentioned in a previous chapter. Yes, the book is new, I got lots of them! =D


	11. I've met some of their friends

I do not own Casey, April, or the turtles.

Dear God; please don't let fictional characters call me in the middle of the night anymore. I need my sleep... and my money.

* * *

Chapter eleven; I've met some of their friends...

* * *

The cheap music tore my dreams apart and yanked me out of my sleep without mercy. "Ah shi-oot." I half cursed, then sat up and started feeling around for my cell phone.

It was dark, which wasn't unusual for when I woke up, but it was also Saturday. Saturday usually meant I got to sleep in until some hour that might reasonably be called 'morning'. My phone had only rung twice this early in the morning on a weekend. Once was a wrong number who barely spoke English. The other had been the result of somebody in my unit doing something _**extremely**_ stupid, _**extremely** _dangerous, and illegal to boot. It was with a reasonable dread that I flipped my phone open and answered, "Hello?"

"H_ey 54, this is Donatello_..."

"How did you get my... never mind. Do you have any idea what time it is?" I croaked.

Curious -and crabby- I peaked at the clock to answer my own question even as Donnie answered. "_Well, in your time zone it should be exactly twelve thirty-four, or 0034._"

"I can convert to military time just fine, Don. Thanks. Why are you calling me at twelve freakin' thirty in the stinking morning?" While in the Army I picked up the habit of cursing. Since my birthday I decided to stop. I'm quickly regretting that choice.

"_Um... yeah... about that, I have a favor to ask. Really 54, it's important enough that it couldn't wait until morning_."

I closed my eyes, sleep sang sweetly to me from behind them. "What kind of favor?" I sighed. If it wasn't important I could just tell him goodnight and write him something horrible in the morning. Then again, at half past midnight nuclear holocaust would have to take a number.

My mind was distracted by fantasies of sleeping for another seven, heck ten hours as Don explained what he needed of me. I slid back under the blankets and hummed to confirm that I was listening as my head settled on the pillow. By the time he'd finished talking I'd slipped into a light doze. Too light, I was still able to think a little and soon his words sank in. I sat upright in the bed, my hair flying around my face and all traces of exhaustion gone.

"**You want me to _what_**?"

* * *

"I'll have a hot chocolate with a glass of water and a bacon, avocado burrito please."

"Hash browns okay with that, sweetie?" The waitress asked. I hate when waitresses call me that... especially at four in the morning.

"Yeah, hash browns are good." I confirmed.

"And you?" The waitress turned and I didn't miss the way her smile kicked up at least six notches. I swear her makeup got better too.

The guy across the table from me frowned at his menu, "Uh, yeah, I'll take a Grand Slam with coffee."

"It'll be right out, sugar." The waitress assured him. From her tone I wondered if she would stand over the cook to make sure that happened.

She collected our menus and headed for the kitchen. I looked over at my breakfast companion. He was taller than my brothers, though not by much, and built broad. His physic told me he lifted weights a lot, but there was that look to his skin and an easy way about his muscle tone that told me he actually used his training to do more than pick up girls. This was good, because it was a girl that had him looking all droopy and depressed.

Time to bite the bullet. "Want to talk about it?"

He looked up at me with the darkest shade of blue eyes I'd ever seen. "Do I hafta?." He whined.

"Don woke me up on a weekend to bail your tail out of jail," Did I really just say that? Forget it, I'm going back to cussing Monday. "He's now working on keeping 'Sexual Predator' off your permanant record and I'm buying you breakfast... on Post. The least you can do is carry the bulk of the conversation."

My guest frowned at me. "I can't tell if ya sound more like Don or Ape."

"I sound like me. Now; talk."

He continued to frown at me, or maybe that was pouting, but finally he leaned back in his seat and heaved a sigh. "I went over to April's house, for a date, ya know. I knock on the door and dis old guy answers. He wants ta know what I want, so's I tell him me and April got a date. Dis guy starts goin' all 'Is that so' and I was like, 'yeah'. Next thing I know he's called the cops on me. I got arrested, booked, used my one call to call Raph."

"Ouch." Well, at least the guy didn't pull a shotgun.

My friend reaches over and grabs a package of jelly. He fiddles with it for a minute. "Sixteen. How can April be sixteen? I thought she had a degree!"

"So did I." At this point I'm wondering how much the guys' human friends know about what the turtles had once told me was just a 'double bluff'. Casey seems pretty upset by April being sixteen now, and since I've heard nothing about Casey in the new series, it looks like he's been left out in the cold with Klunk. Dang, harsh.

Wait a minute.

"Have you ever been to Viacom?" I asked.

The man frowned at me, dark and foreboding. "Listen, I'm in enough trouble for tryin' to take a minor out on a date: I really don't wanna talk about old guy drugs."

"No, Viacom, it's a TV company. Nickelodeon?" He's still frowning at me. "Okay, I think there's been a misunderstanding here. If you talk to the guys who work there they might be able to help you out, maybe get you on April's dad's good side."

"I don't think there's a good side ta the restrainin' order." He growled. Nobody mentioned that part. This makes things difficult.

Time for some creative story telling. "You know all the weird stuff that keeps happening around the guys?" I ask. The man nods, his hair swinging around his head. Behind him I can see an older gentleman frowning disapproval at my guest. "Well, this is more weirdness. I think that these guys can fix it though, or at least help you out."

"How so?"

Frankly, the only thing I could think of was if Casey Jones burst into the Nickelodeon Studios office in full gear and demanded to get put in the show. Maybe that wasn't such a bad idea, most people seemed more accepting of 'assault' charges than 'sexual predators. "I'm still working on that." I told him.

Just then the waitress returned. She put my hot chocolate down in front of me and Casey's coffee down in front of him with a smile and a wink. Casey nodded politely and after she left he looked at me with some measure of distress. "I think I know why Mr. O'Neill called the police on me." He said.

"Why's that?"

Casey glanced over his shoulder at the waitress. "Because older folks hittin' on you is creepy."


	12. Not always sure if they're friends

I do not own Casey, April, or the turtles.

**Good news! I just heard Casey's been confirmed for Season 2 of the new show! **I guess that just goes to show what a little effort, some positive action, true love, and an angry, six feet tall lunatic in a hockey mask can accomplish. This also means they're already planning a second season, Booyakasha!

Dear God; please don't let fictional characters call me in the middle of the night anymore. I need my sleep... and my money.

* * *

Chapter twelve; ... not sure I consider them friends...

* * *

My fiance was at the door. He makes me promise to text him when I'm rested and with a kiss and a 'Welcome Home' he's gone.

I love him, but Thank God. His insight and rapid exit are all the more reason for me to love him. The previous month had been dedicated to some of the most rigourous training average soldiers experience. That training, the bad food, laughable hygeine, the weeks of packing beforehand, and switching from day shift to night shift and back to day had left me exhausted. Throw in a twelve hour delay on my flight home and one gets an inkling of how tired I was.

An inkling... barely.

Having bid my fiance good night for the day I stripped off my uniform and stepped into the shower. The feeling of having my clothes off for longer than ten minutes and being able to 'rinse, repeat' made my skin tingle. After climbing out of the shower and toweling off I applied moisturizer to skin so dry that the cool cream burned.

Finally; clean, dried, fed, and dressed. Various thought processes and parts of my mind pulled the shades down and clocked out as I headed for my bed. Oh sweet bed, we've been parted for a month. Did you miss me? I missed you. Somewhere in the back of my mind Logic curled up in the fetal position and stopped trying to tell me things I didn't want to hear.

Somebody knocked on the door.

_Ignore it_. Logic grunted, getting up just long enough to look for a blanket.

The pounding on the door repeated. My pillow sat on my bed; fluffy, soft, clean.

Logic screamed curses at me as I checked to make sure I was properly covered, then went to answer the door. By now I was too tired to even look through the peep hole to see who it was.

"Welcome Home Dudette!" Mikey cheered.

_Forget it, I'm going to bed._ Logic grumbled. She curled right up next to Intelligence and Human Interaction who were already asleep. Somewhere in my head Hospitality snored. I started to close the door.

Michelangelo brushed past me, not noticing my attempt to shut him out or the lack of my usual demands to the presence of him and his brothers.

Wait... something in the back of my mind was still awake and trying to get my attention... no brothers. Okay, noted. Time to go to bed now.

_Hold on_. Medic spoke up. _Something's wrong here._

"Why aren't you in bed?" I demanded.

Medic gave me a look that was far too patronizing for someone that young.

"It's only, like, eight in the morning." Mikey answered, completely unaware of my having spoken to myself. "I mean, we used to stay up during the day 'cause humans work in the sewers all day so we had to be awake. But, since we're kick-butt ninja now maybe we could sleep during the day, ya know? Dude! Then morning training would be -like- evening training! We wouldn't have to get up early! Wouldn't that be-" He babbled on and on.

Medic uncrossed one of her arms and gestured for me to keep listening. I meant to listen, it was the best way to catch a clue to why he was visiting and how to get rid of him. The problem was that with how tired I was it was a real pain listening to that squeakly voice of his.

Medic raised an eyebrow.

Wait.

...

Squeaky?

Michelangelo wasn't squeaky. Rough sometimes, the guy had been mistaken for a user by many critics based on his voice but he'd never been squeaky. In fact, right now he sounded like somebody entirely different -though I couldn't place just who. Medic made a victorious motion as I grabbed a clean spoon from beside the sink and stepped in front of Mikey. "Say 'Ah'. And no, I'm not kidding, _say it._" I ordered.

"... just like Nobody and... um... okay." He stuck out his tongue. "Ah-h-h-h"

Using the spoon as a tongue depressor, I quickly examined the back of his throat. "Looks normal. Are you sick? Been playing with balloons or anything?"

He frowned at me as I pulled the spoon out. "Oh. You noticed. No, but you should hear Don. He sounds like Raph before we hit puberty, and don't get me started on Raph..." Too late, he'd gotten started.

I groaned and turned to the fridge. Some searching was required to find the juice I'd left in there before leaving a month ago -front and center, bottom shelf. While Mikey laughed at something involving Raph I pulled the juice out, cracked the seal, and went bottoms up.

"... so I was all; Dude! We already have a cat! What's wrong with Klunk, and Raph called him a mangy pest, which I didn't like but you get used to it and..."

Through lazy eyes I watched the level of fluid in the apple juice drop as I enjoyed the taste of cool, sweet fluid. I'd been just a short car ride from Death Valley for the last month so it didn't surprise me to realize that the half gallon of juice was dropping fast and I wasn't having a bit of trouble.

"...So Master Splinter wacks Don good and hard for even suggesting that hair dye was involved and of _course_ Leo was acting like he hadn't laughed with Raph and me so..."

Halfway done, one quart of apple juice down and no end in sight.

"... allways hogging the television! He's obsessed with that show! I swear he's got all the lines memorized even better than he had that 'Art of War' book down..."

The fluid level dropped below -or above- the label. Almost there...

"... crazy robot zombie things that look like Norman from that Disney cartoon, except they never talk and they fight really weird and totally not fair..."

I dropped the empty juice container in the garbage and exhaled slowly, tasting the apple still on my tongue. With a satisfied nod I went back into my room and grabbed my coat, slipped my feet into a pair of shoes and collected my wallet and cell phone. "Hey, where you goin'?" Mikey called as I left the Barracks room.

"Find Shredder." I mumbled, not knowing or caring if I'd been heard. "Join forces. Destroy turtle. Sleep."


	13. As long as they're careful

Still crazy, this chapter is a little out of date... and boring. Nothing happens. Sorry.

I do not own Master Splinter or the turtles.

* * *

Chapter thirteen; As long as they're careful

* * *

I curled up on the lounge chair and stared at the city from more than thirty floors up.

Las Vegas.

I was actually going to get married in Vegas. The chapel was reserved, my dress hung in the closet -a nice summer dress for a simple wedding, our parents were checked in and probably asleep right now. Everything was just about perfect.

Or it would be...

If I didn't have turtles in my suite.

"You're telling me YOU caused our rooms to be overbooked?"

Donatello nodded. "The best thing I could think of for a wedding present." He assured me. A nice thought actually, we'd gone from a nice suite on the twenty-somethingth floor to an executive suite more than ten floors higher. I liked having a sitting room for my parents and future parents, and the dining area was nice... not to mention the extra bathroom, full shower, jacuzzi, distance from the elevator... but I digress.

More important that the wonderful room was my future husband... who was somewhere in the casino and could at any moment come in through the door. Honestly I wasn't sure which idea bothered me more; him walking into the room and finding the place filled with green ninja that weren't supposed to exist, or him walking into the room and seeing me talking to nothing and panicking about him seeing things that weren't actually there. Either way I figured it was grounds for calling the wedding off.

"Cool! There's candy and drinks in here!" Mikey called.

"You _move _it you pay for it." I warned.

"How much would that cost?"

"Check the menu on the table."

Donnie cringed sympathetically and apologized for that part while Mikey found and read the menu.

"_Eight dollars for a Snickers?_"

"Fun Size." I replied. By now the sound of the menu card being dropped as though it were on fire was familiar to me. "Soaps' free though." I offered. In a minute Mikey was meandering through the bedroom trying to make it look like his final destination wasn't the free soaps.

Leo was frowning as he looked around the room, but it wasn't the room that had him frowning. "So you're sure he's in good standing with his co-workers?" He asked the question as if he hadn't grilled me with these questions when they all first found out I was dating him.

"Yes, he's highly respected by his subordinates and superiors." I repeated.

Standing beside the lounge chair, Raph grunted as he appreciated the view. While normally fluent in both macho and passive-aggressive Grunt, Raphael's accent made it a little hard to pick out just what he meant. If I had to guess it was something about knowing Leo had already asked the question but not having a problem with the grilling... or he liked the view but the purple casino blocked the mountains. Like I said, his accent made his grunt hard to translate.

"And he's responsible with the income that he-"

"Leo." Don broke in. "It's fine. She has her own brothers and father... remember?" He gave the eldest turtle a look that might have been learned from Mikey.

Leo frowned for a moment then seemed to relax. "Right. Anyway, congratulations. I can tell you love him and he's lucky to have someone admire him so much. Just make sure he remembers that you deserve to be loved and respected too."

I smiled, feeling the increasingly familiar yet still befuddling combination of embarrassment and gratitude. "Thanks Leo. Really."

Donatello nodded. He'd supported my choice for a husband ever since he'd discovered a bachelor's degree in... well, some science I hadn't fully been aware of before and still wasn't sure what it entailed. Anyway, Don was thrilled. In his mind's eye I'm sure he had some vision of someday either meeting my husband and talking science with him, or my husband teaching me engineering and my being able to talk to Donnie about that stuff. Not likely, my greatest engineering accomplishment was learning how to set the clock on almost any microwave.

Wait... was that engineering?

Never mind.

"Guys, I really hate always feeling like I'm trying to get rid of you, really, but..."

"Right, the man of the hour is on his way back at any time, right?" Mikey asked.

Leo's face went dark. Crap. I saw what was coming and dreaded it. My parents had been trusting...or maybe just tactful enough to not mention anything but now I sensed Leo's prude alert going off. It was easy to recognize because it gave off an annoying tone only a note or two different from my own. "Speaking of which, are you two sharing this room? Tonight I mean?"

Raph grunted and left the window. I agreed with him fully, the answer to Leo's question was really none of his business, but I was blushing pretty bad and felt the need to defend myself. "Yes, we are."

He frowned deeply and casually rubbed at his beak to cover the look. "Don't give me that, we can't afford two rooms, and we're not doing anything!"

"Of course not. It's none of my business anyway." Leo shrugged. My pride stung as my face burned.

How dare he out-prude me. ME!

Before I could even decide to try and defend myself Donnie hissed, "Door!"

I glanced at the door and heard the key enter the slot. Quickly I stood and by the time my legs straightened out the guys were gone and I hadn't tracked where they'd gone. By the time I reached the living room my fiance was opening the door and stepping inside. I resisted the urge to look around for the guys as I smiled at him. He held up a bag of snacks from the car and told me that he'd run into his mother and new step-father downstairs in the casino.

As he set the snacks on the table he failed to notice the door didn't shut and he certainly failed to see four ninja dart through the door behind him, one stopping to wink and give me a thumbs-up before he was dragged from the room by his mask. "Goofball." I muttered.

"What?" My fiance asked.

"Glad you saw them!" I covered quickly.


	14. Or at least Subtle

Just finished my Military Deployment! Thank you to anyone who stuck around and to everyone who's begun watching me since I disapeared!

Found this in my sent-box. It's dated from early on in my deployment cycle...

I do not own Master Splinter, April, or the turtles.

* * *

Chapter Fourteen; Or at least subtle

* * *

TO: April O'Neal

FROM: *** ****** * *********

SUBJECT: Mutual Friends

Dear Miss O'Neal,

I know that we have not met before, but I am writing of some mutual friends of ours. I apologize for any vagueness or generalities in this letter but as the use of certain words could trigger censors on my end and on yours it is necessary.

My first and possibly most urgent concern about our 'mutual friends' is their tendency toward making appearances in inappropriate locations. As our mutual friends are neither soldiers nor female, I believe you would agree with me that female soldier latrines, female soldier showers, and female soldier billets (living spaces) are highly inappropriate locations for our mutual friends to be in.

Similarly; when our mutual friends decide to greet someone required to carry a loaded firearm they should make sure that this person is neither caught by surprise nor passing through dark and spooky areas within a military outpost.

Another area you should be aware of is the "Chow Hall"; a series of tents and wooden structures that make up the Dining Facility. I have reason to believe that one of our mutual friends managed to assemble an US military uniform complete with boots, hat, gloves, shaded ballistic eye protection, and scarf. Our mutual friend then took this uniform and attempted to enjoy the food provided in the Chow Hall. Needless to go into detail beyond telling you that. Thanks to our mutual friend, all persons wishing to dine in the Chow Hall must show ID, sign in, remove all unnecessary or prohibited clothing, and prove that they are, in fact, the person on the ID. This has caused a great deal of difficulty for persons who are VERY hungry and trapped in a long line while persons who don't photograph well try to prove themselves.

I don't think you have to wonder too long before you know which mutual friends might be responsible for the following: A multi-million dollar armored vehicle had left the outpost and was very shortly afterwards struck by a powerful IED, permanently disabling the multi-million dollar vehicle. This vehicle left the outpost without a convoy of other multi-million dollar vehicles to protect it. The crew assigned to this multi-million dollar vehicle has several dozen witnesses to the fact that they were trapped in the unusually long and slow line to the Chow Hall (see previous paragraph.) No evidence of a driver or crew in the vehicle were discovered.

Furthermore, when EOD (the bomb experts) investigated they discovered that someone had already collected the IED evidence. We both know which mutual friend, or friends, might be responsible for _that_. It's not hard to realize how inconvenienced the entire outpost has been by the ensuing investigation, tightened security measures, and an influx of MP's to stand around and watch for reoccurrence of such activity. Despite these security measures, I now have a patient I can't tell anybody about. Fortunately, any injuries were minor but my supervisor wants to know why we seem to be missing so much Tylenol and heat packs from the pharmacy.

These events and the disappearance of IED evidence may or may not have led to an explosion at the trash pit. Our mutual friends won't confess.

If the official investigation weren't enough, the HeadQuarters staff is getting doubly paranoid. The Executive Officer, Commanding officer, First Sergeant, and nearly everyone else in the higher ranking leadership positions have begun walking with their hands constantly on their weapons and I'm not allowed to tell you how many people have recently asked for a psych referral because they constantly feel as if someone were watching them. I would vastly appreciate if this phenomenon stopped.

Miss O'Neal, I have a lot of work to do and I can't do it if I'm constantly chasing mutual friends around. Please, I'm begging you, tell our mutual friends's father where they are and what they're up to so that my Battalion and I can get back to this war in peace.

Sincerely, *** ****** * ********

a.k.a.; 54viruses,  
Fanfiction Author


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